


Left Behind

by raspb3rries



Series: Depressed/Anxious Kagehina [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Hateful thoughts, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, New Relationship, Not cutting, but through picking at the skin, depressed!hinata
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-01
Updated: 2016-07-01
Packaged: 2018-07-12 16:52:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7114321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raspb3rries/pseuds/raspb3rries
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kageyama was going on ahead. That meant Hinata was being left behind.</p><p>OR where Hinata feels really depressed after his new boyfriend gets accepted into a prestigious training camp, pushing him forward in the volleyball world and the decoy back. Kageyama doesn't know how to be a good boyfriend until it's too late to say sorry.<br/>(Angst but with a happy ending, ya'll know I hate sad endings fam)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Left Behind

**Author's Note:**

> MAJOR SPOILERS FROM THE MANGA. SPOILERS FOR SHIRATORIZAWA V. KARASUNO MATCH AND AFTERMATH SPOILERS AS WELL.

Hinata and Kageyama didn't yet know how to be good boyfriends.

The entire beginning of their relationship, not just in romantic terms, had been sharp and cutting. The redhead promising to defeat Kageyama if it was the last thing he did, then realising they would be on the same team. It was unconventional, to say the least.

There hadn't even been a confession. After beating Shiratorizawa and coming home, Kageyama bought Hinata a meatbun.

"Because this time I never regretted a toss," he had explained with a red face before shoving the treat into the redhead's hands.

Afterwards, Kageyama often walked home with Hinata after practice, walking him to the beginning of the mountain road before turning back for home, wishing the decoy safety going home for the night. He was nicer, gave more compliments towards the older. During lunch one day, he even went into the redhead's classroom and gave him a milk carton, giving the excuse of _the vending machine gave me an extra_. Tsukishima laughed at the two when he walked by to see the two awkwardly sitting at Hinata's desk, eating quietly.

Hinata really shouldn't have been surprised one day when Kageyama invited him over to his house, and he shouldn't have been surprised when Kageyama held his hand after the redhead said yes, face beet red.

He  _really_ shouldn't have been surprised when Hinata left the Kageyama household that nice with a flushed face and just-pecked lips.

Sometimes they forgot they were boyfriends, though. Sometimes Hinata and his setter would go back to how they were before losing to Aoba Johsai, carefree and full of playful insults.

That was the only excuse Hinata could find for Kageyama when he stared down at the shorter with a menacing grin.

"Looks like I'll be going on ahead," he had hissed.

At the time, Hinata had only glared and walked away. But once he got home, he ignored Kageyama's texts and instead sat, staring at the ceiling. Natsu came in to ask him to play tea party with her, but for the first time in forever, he had declined before rolling over to face the wall.

 -

Days passed as the decoy continued in the unspoken limbo. He knew the team noticed it-- Suga would sometimes glance at him for too long and sometimes Noya would give more compliments than usual. But everyone was badgering themselves on the inside, Hinata knew that. The third years were internally struggling with the fact that a  _first year_ got into the training camp, even after they worked hard for three consecutive years, even more before in junior high. The second years were staring in shock on how Noya hadn't made it in. Or even Tanaka, who had strong arms and powerful spikes. Suga off-played it as their maturity.

But Hinata knew that everyone but Kageyama and Tsukishima just weren't  _good enough._

Surprisingly, Yamaguchi seemed to be the only one unaffected. Whether this be for him being used to the non-regular position and the feeling of seclusion from the other first years, he was the person who clapped Tsukishima on the back with a  _congrats, Tsukki!_  without hesitating. Yamaguchi was the only one who noticed how Hinata wasn't like the other Karasuno players, who were in a mild stump as they tried to get their enthusiam to the sport back. Yamaguchi noticed that Hinata had the same enthusiam, but there was something wrong.

"Hinata, are you alright?" He asked one day while they were undoing the antennas on the net.

The redhead glanced to him out of the corner of his eye. "Yeah, why do you think I wouldn't be?"

"Well," the freckled boy paused, collecting his thoughts. "You don't have the warmth in your eyes anymore."

Hinata froze for a moment, his fingers halting in their rotating. He let out a nervous laugh before saying  _you're funny, Yamaguchi,_ and quickly plucking the antenna up and putting it in the storage room before Yamaguchi could continue.

 -

Hinata's mother was worried.

Her son would always come home between six and eight, depending on whether him and the team's setter would stay late and practice, and then get his homework done quickly during dinner before playing with Natsu and going to bed.

Lately, he's been coming home at five thirty, doing homework, skipping dinner with the excuse of  _Aachan shared some of her lunch with me, mom, so I'm full!_ , and going to his bedroom. Natsu would always go up and ask Shouyou to play with her, whether it would be jump rope or tea parties, Hinata would now say no more than yes.

After dinner finished, she walked up the stairs to her son's room quietly before stopping outside of his bedroom door at the sound of his voice.

"I know, I know I've been distant lately. I don't mean to, I promise. I've just been very busy, Kageyama," Shouyou's voice sounded hollow as he promised the receiving end of the call.

The petite redhead didn't hear what the other person said. Was Kageyama a girl? Was she Shouyou's girlfriend? Since when did Shouyou even like  _girls_? All he's ever liked since first year of middle school was volleyball.

"Yeah, sorry, kacchan wanted me home for dinner early. Sorry I couldn't stay late for our quick practice."

Hinata's mother never asked him to be home early. Was Hinata's girlfriend on the girls volleyball team, and wanted extra help?

"I know," Shouyou sighed. "Yeah, I have to do homework. I'll see you tomorrow."

The woman moved away from the door before she could hear what the receiver responded with.

 -

As Hinata moved towards the gates of Karasuno high school, he checked off yesterday in his mental calandar. It was now the first of December. That meant four days until Kageyama left for Tokyo.

He sighed as he walked through the gates, his footsteps feeling heavier and heavier on the ground. He knew that when he turned the corner towards the gym, he'd see his boyfriend. The boyfriend that's moving on to bigger and better places while his incompetent boyfriend stayed behind at Karasuno, struggling with serving and receiving alone.

 _Worthless, worthless, worthless_ , the redhead thought as he left footprints in the fresh snow.  _You can't even get into the Miyagi Prefecture Training Camp, yet grumpy Tsukishima did. They want you to know that you're useless to the team. You will never make it to the top with Kageyama._

"Hinata," a familiar voice caused the decoy to look up, only to see dark hair leaning down and cold lips pressed to his.

Less than a second later, Kageyama pulled away as they started walking towards the club room, too icy to race. "What's wrong with you? You've been acting funny for the past two weeks."

Hinata shrugged in response, instead continuing to walk a little bit faster than his boyfriend as they reached the stairs.

"If this is about the training camp-"

"It's not," Hinata interrupted, looking down at his shoes.  _I just don't think I should speak anymore unless I know 100% that I can help benefit the team_. "I'm just tired. Our neighbor got a new dog who likes to bark really late. Keeps me up. Nothing's wrong." He glanced up to give the setter a half-hearted smile before immediately averting his gaze as he opened up the club room. Sugawara and Daichi were already in there, as well as Asahi and Tanaka.

All throughout practice, Hinata could feel his boyfriend's eyes on his back as he worked throughout practice, making sure Takeda or Ukai wouldn't notice how he slumped once they looked away. They worked on receives, mostly, and Kageyama kept scolding the redhead for continuously keeping his arms high above his shoulders.

After practice ended and Hinata watched as Takeda walked over to the setter to discuss train departure times, he sped towards the club room quickly, prepared to avoid him for the nth time in the past month. The redhead slipped off his shirt while untying his shoes, not realising the others staring at him in surprise as he managed to change in less than two mintutes. As he grabbed his back and bowed to Suga and Daichi, he backed into someone on the way out the door.

"Sorr-" Hinata turned around to see a certain 181.9 cm setter in his path.

"We need to talk," Kageyama declared as he grabbed the decoy's arm and pulled him out of the room, ignoring Tsukishima's comment of  _oh, look, the queen is in trouble with his king!_

Hinata just followed silently as he was lead down the steps to the back of the gym, where no one could see them.

"I don't know what's going on with you," Kageyama started, putting his had against Hinata's mouth to prevent him from interrupting. "Don't say there's nothing wrong, I may not get passing grades but I'm not an idiot. I wish you could tell me whats wrong or why you stopped talking apart from one worded sentences, but I know you probably won't, so I'm just going to be here." With that, he wrapped his arms around Hinata and pulled the redhead against his chest.

After a few moments, the decoy cautiously returned the embrace. He felt the tears before the fell, spilling from his eyes as he shoved his face into Kageyama's jacket. The dark-haired boy looked down in shock as the redhead was making no noise while crying. He was sobbing or making choking sounds, but instead was still as tears leaked from his eyes.

"I am nugatory," Hinata whispered.

"What?" His boyfriend asked, surprised that the boy he was supposedly smarter than knew vocabulary that he didn't.

"I've been studying a lot-lately, I mean," the shorter mumbled. "Nugatory. Adjective. To have no value or importance."

Kageyama was shocked out of words for a minute before quickly stating, "You are not worthless. Or  _belugatory_."

"Nugatory," he corrected quietly.

"What makes you think that you're useless?"

He felt the redhead tighten his arms around his waist before speaking. "You're going to that training camp, and I'm still here. I'm not even going to the prefecture one. You're going to be at the top of the world and I can't join you like we promised because I'm not good enough."

"That's what this is about?" Kageyama muttered. The other only nodded in reply. "You aren't worthless. Or useless. Or  _nugatory_. You are important. Not just to me, but to everyone on this team."

Hinata didn't answer. His boyfriend pulled away and leaned down. "Shouyou," he stated. The redhead turned to him with wide eyes from him using _a_ given name for the first time in the year of knowing him. "You are a spiker. That is the most popular specialty in volleyball. There could be up to five spikers on a court at once. There is only one setter, traditionally. You have to go against way more people than I did. Spikers have to prove themselves over and over, and even then they might not make the cut. If you want to be at the top of the world with me, you're going to have to become even better than I am. 10% of volleyball players are spikers. 10% are liberos. The rest are blockers and attackers. I had to go against about 100 high school setters throughout Japan. You probably have to go against a thousand. This is just your first year playing volleyball on a team. I've been improving myself since third year elementary. Tsukishima grew up in a volleyball-nut house. You have the talent to be at the top with me. But Hinata, you have to prove yourself to the world that you can do it."

Halfway through his boyfriend's speech, Hinata's tears started streaming down his face again. He used his jacket to wipe it away, before looking up at the setter with a weak smile. 

"I want to be at the top with you. So I'll have to work harder than ever, right?"

"Yes,"

"Okay. I will. Volleyball and grades from now on, nothing else."

"You still need to spend time with your family, dork. We will work together to improve you in volleyball. I'll see how many meatbuns we'll have to bribe Yachi with to help us study."

Hinata nodded, before grabbing Kageyama's collar to pull him down and press his lips to the others.

"Woah, when you said that Hinata was Kageyama-kun's queen, you  _literally_ meant it, Tsukki!" A certain freckled-boy's voice spoke in amazement from behind the two. The setter and decoy jumped and pulled apart almost immediately and turned to see the duo behind them, Tsukishima smirking at their embarassment.

"Asshole Tsukishima," Kageyama grumbled, before grabbing his boyfriend's hand and pulling him along to push past the blond and Yamaguchi, towards the club room where Hinata waited for Kageyama to get dressed before walking towards the mountain road, hand-in-hand as the taller spoke about possible faults in the redhead's technique as the other eagerly nodded along.

-

**December 5**

_From Tobio: I'm having trouble reading this kanji in the station. Do you understand it? [Tobio attached a picture, click to view]_

_To Tobio: My mother said it says 'utsunomiya'. Are you at the train station yet?_

_From Tobio: Yes. It's more crowded than I thought it'd be._

_To Tobio: Practise is starting. Good luck! x_

_-_

**December 6**

_To Hinata: There is a boy shorter than you here. I think he's a second year. Don't think he spikes, though._

_From Hinata: That's great, short people represent!!!_

_To Hinata: Are you keeping yourself busy up there?_

_From Hinata: You could say that._

Kageyama paused for a moment before sending his next text before putting his phone in his bag as the water break ended, and the volleyball players trailed back to the coach.

_To Hinata_ _: There are no first year spikers here. Have to go, call you tonight. x_

_-_

Hinata put down his phone, looking up as the others starting getting up from water break. He tugged his shorts down, making sure to cover the scabs from him picking at his thighs until they bled. Kageyama didn't know about that. He also didn't know that Hinata invited himself to the Miyagi Prefecture Training Camp.

They could talk about it when Nationals was over. Right now the pains in his thighs wasn't important.

**Author's Note:**

> I published this once and it turned out the ending had gone missing, whoops. Now it's there and ya'll can cry over depressed!Hinata and Kageyama being cute  
> There might be a sequel to this? Idk.


End file.
